tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post5954303070360532009..comments2023-05-11T09:40:38.634-05:00Comments on Writings: Forever ChristmasAnn (bunnygirl)http://www.blogger.com/profile/04938134750150653386noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-71906630465665302692008-01-01T09:24:00.000-06:002008-01-01T09:24:00.000-06:00Got to admit, I was confused for a bit. The trans...Got to admit, I was confused for a bit. The transition from beach scene back to the past was very very confusing for me. I'm actually quite glad that you summed it all up at the end, otherwise I don't know that I would have gotten the connection.<BR/><BR/>It was beautifully written. Compellingly so. I had to read it. I couldn't stop. Everything felt so real and there and demanding. I loved it (other than the confusion). My fav. line is "Soft and cold, as white as the night is black."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-35765355833539201142007-12-31T16:45:00.000-06:002007-12-31T16:45:00.000-06:00I was a little confused at first by what I was rea...I was a little confused at first by what I was reading and really couldn't tell what it was since it seemed to be all over the place. I felt the story could have started three paragraphs in, with all of those visuals actually being incorporated into the eyes that we're actually seeing through instead of it being subjective. To be honest, I'm not a stream-of-consciousness fan and I found the stunted sentences distracting. I certainly liked the ending and it's definitely the clearest section of the story. I think the body could use some tightening though.Kate Boddiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07563671242585666522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-66556723048444852702007-12-30T20:57:00.000-06:002007-12-30T20:57:00.000-06:00I held off commenting on this because it deserved ...I held off commenting on this because it deserved more than one reading.<BR/><BR/>This story breaks the "never open with a dream sequence" rule as well as the "don't start with a lot of backstory" rule, and yet... it works. Spectacularly so. The strength of the language is the main reason, although there's something else going on here, too, that I can't quite articulate. Perhaps it's that the dream IS the story, and yet it's also a not-dream. It's a remembering, with a touch of magic.<BR/><BR/>I thought some of the dialogue at the end was a little stilted, like you didn't quite trust your reader to get it. But other than that, I simply love your skill with language and I hope you participate in future carnivals!Ann (bunnygirl)https://www.blogger.com/profile/04938134750150653386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-53660440648276318382007-12-21T10:07:00.000-06:002007-12-21T10:07:00.000-06:00The sensory detail here is so sharp; it sets a gre...The sensory detail here is so sharp; it sets a great mood. <BR/><BR/>Interesting concept of the future, too. All that cold... what a contrast to what's predicted for us.Susan Helene Gottfriedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12778191943289129869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-61707069333273020732007-12-21T00:01:00.000-06:002007-12-21T00:01:00.000-06:00Ah, stream of consciousness. I loved the setting ...Ah, stream of consciousness. I loved the setting of the mood at the start--"The moon is full and hard and bright in a sky filled with jewel lights" is particularly wonderful to me.<BR/><BR/>The flowing from the ice cold outside to the warmth of the city was the most confusing transition. Perhaps a break is warranted there?<BR/><BR/>Otherwise, beautiful. I loved the ending, which tied up everything with a neat bow.<BR/><BR/>Nice!Arachne Jerichohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06168877097725111802noreply@blogger.com