tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post5011190844189328380..comments2023-05-11T09:40:38.634-05:00Comments on Writings: Flash Fiction Interlude: The Glass CantaloupeAnn (bunnygirl)http://www.blogger.com/profile/04938134750150653386noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-31626636739442884872008-01-01T03:38:00.000-06:002008-01-01T03:38:00.000-06:00Oh, that was good. Interesting and captivating.Of...Oh, that was good. Interesting and captivating.<BR/><BR/>Of course, because I'm a science fiction / fantasy kind of gal, I'm left wondering if he really did turn to glass, and if so, how, who did it, and to what end? So, really, I want to know what happens next. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-30954570147062566582007-12-27T21:36:00.000-06:002007-12-27T21:36:00.000-06:00Damn I loved this story. You really owned it thro...Damn I loved this story. You really owned it throughout. A very confident, purposeful and smoothly-flowing narrative. I was pulled in completely.<BR/><BR/>Like some others, I assumed the narrator was a woman at the beginning and I thought the cantelope would turn out to be a baby, but this was so much better. I'm a sucker for glass. Great work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-21223541772771822172007-12-26T00:40:00.000-06:002007-12-26T00:40:00.000-06:00Okay that was weird. About halfway through all I ...Okay that was weird. About halfway through all I could think was "why not just call an ambulance?" but as the transformation happens and culminates in the shattering of his mind, it all made sense and worked perfectly.<BR/><BR/>Good job!Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17115607826522443897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-20766857702768767892007-12-16T17:35:00.000-06:002007-12-16T17:35:00.000-06:00An excellent piece. From the beginning I was tryi...An excellent piece. From the beginning I was trying to figure out the ulterior motives of the cantelope as it couldn't be real and I didn't really know what was going on until the mention of catatonia.<BR/><BR/>Like many others, I thought the character was female up until the ex-wife part. Didn't make a difference for me in the story, just the image of the character morphed at that moment.<BR/><BR/>And I agree, it was a freaky tale but honestly, I think it could have gone either way. It reminded me of a Tales from the Crypt episode with that type of morbid humor and horror. Insanity or the reality of turning to glass, I think, could work either way but the notion of leaving it up in the air is what drives that uncertainty home. Good job!Kate Boddiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07563671242585666522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-73204976805413005962007-12-12T00:49:00.000-06:002007-12-12T00:49:00.000-06:00Gorgeous! Very Kafka-esque. The lines at the end.....Gorgeous! Very Kafka-esque. The lines at the end..."Crazy" "Catatonic" "Cantalope," I tried to say...were so funny I laughed outloud.Kappa no Hehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00909580462578058631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-73693564609791290192007-12-10T19:14:00.000-06:002007-12-10T19:14:00.000-06:00Hilarious! albeit painful. I could predict the pa...Hilarious! albeit painful. I could predict the pain of the cantaloupe shattering, so was flinching as I kept reading. I love the end. It's so smooth and funny. I really enjoyed it. Especially "Crazy", "Catatonic", "Cantaloupe". Great!WriterKathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01966875820095185649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-6892751518103666472007-12-10T10:20:00.000-06:002007-12-10T10:20:00.000-06:00That was extremely well done. The narrator's voic...That was extremely well done. The narrator's voice was right on target, the first line was a definite hook, the rest of the story continued in wonderful bizarreness (and after all, people really would worry about little things even in odd situations like this... perhaps especially odd situations like this...).<BR/><BR/>It took me about 3/4s of the way through to stop thinking "scifi fantasy horror weirdness" and start thinking "psych ward". I love how it was still fuzzy on that issue before the end.<BR/><BR/>Very nice!Arachne Jerichohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06168877097725111802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-24381799900309597172007-12-10T01:31:00.000-06:002007-12-10T01:31:00.000-06:00I really enjoyed this wonderful story. The creepin...I really enjoyed this wonderful story. The creeping madness makes the transformation all the more disturbing. Excellent job!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-71471014609577468512007-12-09T19:43:00.000-06:002007-12-09T19:43:00.000-06:00This a good story. The internal logic is consisten...This a good story. The internal logic is consistent - so important in very short stories like this - and there is enough description that I get a sense of the people involved without a whole lot of explaining going on. Nice job.Fehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08841450137466690659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-29333012696280843722007-12-09T16:35:00.000-06:002007-12-09T16:35:00.000-06:00Very original and well written. It leaves a mental...Very original and well written. It leaves a mental impression that sticks with you. Good job!<BR/><BR/>Now my stomach feels funny...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03116453379399999369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-61896933819746279402007-12-09T10:00:00.001-06:002007-12-09T10:00:00.001-06:00Great story... I can tell you've done this before!...Great story... I can tell you've done this before! I definitely want to read some of your other works.<BR/><BR/>I enjoyed the humor you injected... particularly, the part where his ex-wife disregarded his concerns and promptly reminded him about his daughter's recital. Very nice.Jaredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15278079234643539254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-15116094191193973522007-12-09T10:00:00.000-06:002007-12-09T10:00:00.000-06:00This was excellent. I completely followed his desc...This was excellent. I completely followed his descent into madness. I don't think you need to do anything about the gender. It wasn't even important. I really liked this piece!Ello - Ellen Ohhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18311917335471167591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-3837382030644771402007-12-09T09:55:00.000-06:002007-12-09T09:55:00.000-06:00These are some interesting comments on gender, sin...These are some interesting comments on gender, since this isn't a typical problem with my writing. The gender genie goes back and forth on this, so I guess I confused it, too.<BR/><BR/>The narrator's growing madness makes him passive and over-cautious, which are feminizing in a literary/linguistic sense. <BR/>An old-fashioned Alpha Male would've taken immediate and decisive action, but then there would've been no story.<BR/><BR/>If I do a revision, I'll add something into the first sentences to make the gender more clear. Thanks!Ann (bunnygirl)https://www.blogger.com/profile/04938134750150653386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-14859349204453394652007-12-09T09:24:00.000-06:002007-12-09T09:24:00.000-06:00Creative and different and, yeah, freaky (we need ...Creative and different and, yeah, freaky (we need some synonyms for freaky!)<BR/>I really liked this! I wasn't sure whether to laugh or not though. <BR/><BR/>I also thought the narrator was female until the end. I used to know of a site where you could plug in 500 words of text, and it would tell you how 'masculine' or 'feminine' the piece was. There is something about word choice, tags, etc.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, Kudos for a job well done!Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-62195111265948157552007-12-09T08:52:00.000-06:002007-12-09T08:52:00.000-06:00I also thought the narrator was female, until the ...I also thought the narrator was female, until the line about calling his ex-wife.<BR/><BR/>What an odd story. I loved it. As others said.. it was VERY freaky.. but I really enjoyed it. Like a descent into madness.<BR/><BR/>Wonderfully done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-24486820018846807512007-12-09T07:52:00.000-06:002007-12-09T07:52:00.000-06:00You had me with the very first line. Brilliant.Ex...You had me with the very first line. Brilliant.<BR/><BR/>Except, for some weird reason, I thought the narrator was female - right up until the end.Cathhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13425933357872713892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-83374648270668538802007-12-09T07:28:00.000-06:002007-12-09T07:28:00.000-06:00Excellent stuff. Reminded me of the king who thoug...Excellent stuff. Reminded me of the king who thought he was made of glass and was frightened he would shatter (George III, I think). I didn't see where it was going to go until near the end - both poignant and funny.Cate Gardnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05634397106201021055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-76252295413266143262007-11-27T08:30:00.000-06:002007-11-27T08:30:00.000-06:00Very well done!Very well done!Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-42021853419253235492007-11-24T21:19:00.000-06:002007-11-24T21:19:00.000-06:00Ai yi YI! I love it! What a cool, weird, and fun...Ai yi YI! I love it! What a cool, weird, and funky piece. Great job, Bunnygirl!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-6455369393927356332007-11-24T09:36:00.000-06:002007-11-24T09:36:00.000-06:00VERY freaky, BG. I'm left with a lot of questions ...VERY freaky, BG. I'm left with a lot of questions here, which is good. They're the good sort of questions.<BR/><BR/>I should have you clue me in to these prompts you're finding. They look like a lot of fun!Susan Helene Gottfriedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12778191943289129869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25705418.post-4656204006533990652007-11-24T02:50:00.000-06:002007-11-24T02:50:00.000-06:00Freak me out.It's just so matter of fact. At first...Freak me out.<BR/><BR/>It's just so matter of fact. At first I wasn't sure if it was too much so, but then I decided it would work. After all, if a body was turning to glass one should be concerned about shattering.<BR/><BR/>Now all I want to do is throw prompts at you to see what you come up with, BG.<BR/><BR/>Freak me out . . .Virginia Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10493643681622551814noreply@blogger.com